Autism Astronauts

Dear Joe – guy on the spectrum,

Thank you for your comment today.  I loved it, and it was very thought provoking.  So much so I want to share it with all my readers.

On my meme  “Arguing with an autism mom about autism, is like arguing with an astronaut about what it’s like to walk on the moon” (seen below); Joe commented “Dear blogger, Arguing with an autism mom about autism is like arguing with an *** astronaut's mom*** what it feels like to walk on the moon. Sincerely, a guy on the spectrum.”

And in so many ways he is so right.  I don’t know what it FEELS like to have autism.  I don’t know how frustrating and, in its ways, wonderful autism can be.  I don’t know why Skylynn acts the way she does and the many things that are so interesting and complicated in her world and life.  I have not walked on the “autism moon” as both Joe and Skylynn have. 

But in thinking of this meme and autism I think I am still an astronaut.  I am not the astronaut walking on the moon.  Once again that is Joe, Skylynn, and so many others.  Instead I would argue that I am the astronaut in the space shuttle, watching the astronaut who is walking on the moon.  I’m so close, just feet away from the moon.  But for whatever reason I must stay inside the shuttle and watch the person I love and cherish walk, jump, spin, and float, on a moon I will never personally set foot on. 

Sitting in this space shuttle is maddening and wonderful.  It is maddening to watch the person I love so much, and have sacrificed so much for, walk in a place I cannot go.  It is so hard to see them fall in a crevasse or get stuck behind a mountain.  It is so hard to feel so helpless when I care so deeply for them.  And in a selfish way I want to be with them - I want to experience it with them.  I want to be a bigger part of their life than this space shuttle allows me.

But as I mentioned being in the space shuttle is also wonderful.  Not everyone gets the privilege of being here.  Not everyone, in fact very few people, get to know the astronaut that is walking on the moon as I know them.  Most people never get to know my astronaut or the “autism moon” in such an intimate way.  I know how elated I am every time I watch my astronaut make a huge exciting leap in the air – their floating – their enjoying life – and I love watching it.  I know how hard my astronaut has worked to make every leap and bound they make.  Oh it’s so exciting – I’m so proud. 

Now back to reality and to Joe.  Once again thank you for your comment.  I try very hard to keep a perspective that is respectful to those with autism.  My daughter is one of you.  You understand her in a way I never will.  I never want to alienate a community my daughter is part of.  I know sometimes it is hard for autism parents and people with autism to understand each other.  I am sure there are so many ways I could be a better parent to Skylynn in ways that deal, and don’t deal, with autism.  I only hope both Skylynn and those with autism give me a chance to show I mean the best and I want the world for all of you.

My understanding of autism may be limited to the nuerotypical world.  But I know my understanding is much much deeper than those who have not lived with and loved with a person on the spectrum.  Through the good days and the bad, I’m proud to be a part of the autism community.