Here is the truth; autism does kill – all the time. I read a story at least once a week about
someone with autism drowning, being hit by a car, or freezing because they
wandered off. Wandering and lack of fear
are two incredibly common traits for those with autism.
I’m sure you are wondering what got me fired up on this
topic. It has already been covered quite
adequately by my friend Lou at Lou’s Land on a post called “A Real Concern.” In some ways this idea is old news to all of
us within the autism community. Well, we
just had a close call that reminded me of why the phrase “autism doesn’t kill”
makes me so incredibly angry.
First let me tell you a story from last August. Zoe was a few weeks old and we were visiting
Nate’s mom. Nate and Lexi were playing
in the condo swimming pool. They had
tons of fun and were just getting out of the pool and getting ready to go. Nate had taken off the life vest Lexi ALWAYS
wears when she is near a pool and was drying her off. As Nate was distracted by something his mom
said Lexi started inching towards the pool.
I saw the inevitable and started walking towards her (thank goodness Zoe
was in her car sear). The minute Lexi
saw me coming she jumped in the pool.
That moment will FOREVER be burned into my memory. The sight of my helpless 3 year old
completely under water was terrifying. I
jumped in full clothed with my phone in my pocket and holding our digital
camera, and pulled her out. Somehow she
had held her breath long enough for me to pull her out and didn’t even come up
coughing. So I put her down and she
happily walked away – like nothing happened.
She could have drowned and she had no idea.
This next story is so much more terrifying though. A few Saturdays ago I packed up and left with a
group of awesome women on my river trip, leaving Nate with both Lexi and
Zoe. Day 1 was all driving and we still
had the luxury of phone reception that night so I called Nate to see how things
were going. He hesitated to tell me of
Lexi’s “field trip” as he called it because he didn’t want to freak me out
right before I got on the river. But he
told me anyway. Basically, Nate had left
the apartment for a few minutes to do laundry (it’s in the unit next to
us). In the 5 or less minutes he was
gone Lexi disappeared for the first time ever.
Up to this point she had never wandered off. He came in the house, didn’t see her, ran
around the yard, didn’t see her, ran to the back parking lot, and still didn’t
see her. At this point he is just trying
to stay calm and went out to our front yard and scanned around the
neighborhood. There she was – sitting happily
under a tree at the park on the other side of a busy street. Nate ran over there and was greeted by a mom
who was hovering near Lexi. “Is she
yours” she asked. When Nate said “yes,”
she told him that Lexi had almost been hit by a car as she darted across the
street to the park. How terrifying is
that? Now I get that lots of kids run
across the street. The difference is we cannot
explain to Lexi why she should never do it again. If anything that first time opened up a world
of possibilities making it easier and easier for her to wander in the
future. It’s terrifying!
She could have been hit by a car that day. Not once, but twice. The second time she wandered that same day
Nate caught her before she left the yard.
Even this last Sunday she left the house as we were all sitting in the
front room. Obviously she didn’t get
very far – but the fact that walking out is so easy for her is absolutely
terrifying! We are now installing new
locks on our door and thinking about getting an alarm that goes off every time
the door opens.
So my whole point is autism does kill – anyone who says the
contrary has no idea what they are talking about. I am absolutely terrified that Lexi might wander
away and be hit by a car or drown or something else awful will happen to
her. This fear is something so many of
us autism parents live with every day.
It’s just as scary, and just as real, as the fear of a child dying of
cancer or AIDS. Autism does kill and unfortunately
it happens all too often.
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